Nice Blog: Working Parents

Thought I'd highlight and recommend one of the blogs on my Links list (over there on the right): the Working Parents blog from Business Week.com. It's written by a rotating panel of six Business Week editors and pretty much every entry has been a worthwhile comment on the problems or symptoms of being a parent trying to juggle a job, a family and a marriage at the same time. I don't agree with all the writers' opinions, but just knowing that other parents struggle with the same issues is comforting and helps me keep things in perspective.

I found these two recent entries particularly interesting: The Elusive 50/50 Division of Labor, and The Elusive 50/50 Division of Labor, Part II

They look at both sides of a classic argument (tell me you've never had this one): Do most men do a worse job at taking care of things around the house because they expect their wives to take care of it? Or do most women not trust their husbands to take care of things because their standards are too high? The Part II entry has an interview with Marc Vachon. Marc and his wife Amy recently launched a web site called equallysharedparenting.com. They've both decided to work part-time and stay home part-time, and they created the site to share pros and cons and help other parents who are interested in doing this.

They've worked out a new approach to sharing tasks: if you want to split up the workload at home, you also have to split the difference on what standards the work needs to be done to. Whoever takes responsibility for a given chore gets to do it their way, and the other partner takes responsibility for butting out and accepting the shared standard. Ironically, this is a basic principle of being a good manager at work, and making compromises with your partner is what marriage is all about. But it's funny how rarely we (at least I) use this skill in an explicit way at home.

How Not To Talk To Your Kids

A while back, my cousin emailed around this interesting article about how to praise your kids from New York magazine. It kicked off a lot of discussion via "reply all" (which is how much of our extended family's communication seems to happen these days), so I thought I'd post it here for anyone who wasn't on the original email.

I've seen several comments online that people think the recommendation is to stop praising your kids (interestingly, some people seem pleased by this conclusion, while others lament it). I don't think that's what the author or the researchers meant. The recommendation is to stop praising your kids for the wrong things. Don't praise them for having the right answer, or getting the top grade, or for being smart. raise them for putting in significant effort, or being persistent, or taking on and overcoming tough challenges.

Another common conclusion? Easier said than done...

Big News

So I thought I'd use the occasion of going public with this blog to announce some Big News (or is it the other way around?)

We're adding to the family. See?

Sandy's about 3 1/2 months along, and the baby is due September 18. Sandy is always early to things, and I'm always late, so we'll get a good indication of whose genes she or he got right off the bat. (And I'm claiming credit right now for that joke, which will be repeated 18,342 times over the rest of the poor kid's lifetime.)

Needless to say, we're super excited. I love having the chance to talk to Sandy's tummy. I look to it for sympathy to whenever I need someone on my side--kind of like when anyone on (the TV show) The Office looks to the camera whenever he or she can't believe what's happening.

And Foster and Harrison are also super excited. Harrison's been incredibly protective of Sandy ever since we told him. The very first thing he said was, "OK, I'm making a new rule: No kicking Sandy in the stomach." They (F&H) have been having some fierce debates over whether it will be better to have a little brother or a little sister. Each rightly points out that they already know what it's like to have an opposite-sex sibling. Let's hope they're excited enough about the new baby to compensate for the fact that one of them is gonna be disappointed.

The only negative is that poor Sandy's been having a hard time with morning sickness, but it's gotten a lot better than it was in the first trimester. She's tried everything--crackers in bed, sour candies, the wristbands, different foods and drinks. Some things help a little, but nothing seems to help a lot.

Check back in this space for more developments soon.

GeekDad
http://blog.wired.com/geekdad

If your kiddies are into science-project type stuff, check out this new blog from Wired. (Forgive the title--perfectly appropriate for GeekMoms too.)

It’s full of fun/cool/educational geeky projects to do with your kids. The level of geekiness, and the sheer volume of ideas, are a little intimidating--the thing’s only been up for a couple of weeks and there are already 17 in-depth projects posted. Most are geared for older kids—"Proving the theory of relativity in your minivan”???—but there are a few fun ideas for younger kids too. Did you know there’s a working scale steam-engine railroad in Berkeley? Some of the projects are major undertakings, but some look like they could be pulled off on a weekend afternoon (he said overconfidently).

And some are definitely in the "fun for me but I need a kid there to justify doing it” category.